The List
by littlefiction
Summary: Hatori Sohma should know better than to let Ayame and Shigure get bored. Rated for immature content.


Disclaimer: Natsuki Takaya owns Fruits Baskets and all related characters. I am not Natsuki Takaya. This is merely a fanfiction written out of adoration for her characters.

This little fiction (: by littlefiction, who is plagued regularly by bad puns :) is not to be taken too seriously, it's a light little fiction written in celebration of the one and only Mabudachi Trio.

**Warnings**: No actual pairings, but two men blatantly attracted to other, younger men. Let me just say right now though that there is NOT incest, that when Aaya mention's Yuki for the list it is not out of a twisted attraction but arrogance (Ayame looks like an older version of Yuki, so if Ayame thinks himself hot logically Yuki must be too.)

_**The List**_

"I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored!" Shigure whined, bouncing in agitation.

"How about we make a list!" Aaya offered zealously.

"Oh?" Shigure looked up, his eyes sparkling with mischief, "What kind of list?"

"World's most incredible sex gods!" Aaya declared.

"Yay! Sex Gods list!" Shigure cheered. Hatori sighed, desperately wishing he could sneak away but knowing his cousins well enough by now to know that any movement would grab their attention and result in him being forcibly tangled in their shenanigans. Shigure got a pen and paper. "So, who do we start with?"

"The Mabudachi Trio, of course! Who better than us to lead a list of the most incredible sex gods? Who is more incredibly sexy and godly than us?"

"Good point. So who's next? Kyo?"

"Of course not! He can be fifth." Aaya replied, dismissing the idea with a flick of the wrist.

"Fifth?"

"Yes, fifth, right after Haru and Momichi."

"Haru and Momichi are tied at fourth, or are numbers 3 and 4?"

"Numbers 3 and 4. Oh! No they're not, move all of them down by one number, we forgot Yuki!"

"So Yuki is second?" Shigure asked curiously.

"No, Yuki third. Then Haru the passionate, Momichi the sex bunny and Kyo the sex kitten."

"I've never really thought of Momichi as being a god, though I suppose he's rather cute." Shigure muttered.

"Of course he's a sex god, he's just not fully developed yet. Watch, he'll hit a growth spurt and suddenly be the object of many a young woman's fantasy."

"Well, folks, you heard it here first, right from the lips-"

"Incredibly sexy lips." Aaya corrected.

"…Incredibly sexy lips," Shigure amended, "of the incredible Sex God Ayame." Shigure looked over the list. "So if you, Hatori and I are first, Yuki's third, Haru's fourth, Momichi fifth and Kyo sixth, who's second?"

"My cuddly love-monkey." Aaya replied dramatically falling across the couch and, subsequently, Hatori's lap. Hatori sighed and continued typing away at the laptop Aaya and 'Gure had given him for Mabudachi Day. Shigure's eyebrows disappeared in his bangs.

"Ritsu the Sex God?" Shigure's face contorted in an effort to repress the giggles that threatened to explode in him.

"Incredible Sex God." Ayame stated, the picture of sincerity. Shigure sucked in a breath, and started laughing so hard his lungs and cheeks hurt. "You disagree? Present your argument!" Aaya demanded playfully.

"He looks more like a goddess."

"Wearing a long sleeved kimono doesn't make him less of a man. You of all people should know that. In his heart he's a boy, and that should be enough for you."

"He'd freak if you'd ever come on to him."

"I have hit on him, several times." Ayame defended.

"And what happened?" Shigure asked pointedly.

"He freaked," Ayame conceded, "But that just makes him the elusive incredible Sex God Ritsu."

"There's also the fact that he's probably a virgin." Shigure argued. Ayame shrugged.

"That's sexy."

"Touché."

"We're agreed on Ritsu then?"

"Yes, but I think we should bump Kyo up to third, since he's a sex kitten and that's sexy on its own."

"Fourth, we're not demoting Yuki."

"Fair enough." Shigure nodded

"But by that logic we should be promoting Momichi to fifth, because he's a sex bunny, which is a close second to a sex kitten."

"True." Shigure agreed, erasing and correcting.

But Haru's still sexier than those two, even taking into account sex kitten-ness and sex bunny-ness so he should be fourth."

"Agreed." Shigure conceded, erasing and correcting. "But sex kitten shouldn't be in the bottom five, lets put Kyo and Momichi as tied at fifth."

"Okay."

"So who do we put next?"

"Who cares about the bottom five? Besides, we've already got nine sex gods, don't be so greedy 'Gure-san."

"Oh, you're right, Aaya my darling, what was I thinking, can you ever forgive me?"

"Gure, my love, I could never stay angry with you!" Ayame declared. Hatori rolled his eyes.

"Did it ever occur to you two that our younger cousins might not be comfortable with you sexually objectifying them?" Hatori asked offhand.

"Nope." Shigure chirped.

"We're not objectifying them, we're honoring them. Worshiping, in Ritsu's case." Ayame argued airily.

"Well, I don't know about worship," Shigure muttered.

"Well, I would worship Ritsu openly, publicly even!" Ayame declared proudly, before pouting softly, "but he asked me not to."

"Begged you, really." Shigure pointed out. Ayame continued to pout, until he was struck with a wonderful idea.

"Let's"

"No." Hatori shot him down firmly.

"But-"

"That's enough, Ayame."

"You're no fun, Tori-san."

"Yeah, Haa-san, why can't we pay Ritsu a little visit?"

"Because you'll disturb his delicate constitution."

"Ritsu isn't delicate." Ayame argued reasonably, "Do you have any idea the physical strain that boy goes through on a daily basis? Running around in a panic, screaming, jumping up, around and over things, falling, stampeding the way he does, that's rough, it takes a strong body and a stronger will to do it. Even someone as magnificent as myself would have a hard time managing that."

"He has a point, Hatori." Shigure stated in that 'I know even though I don't' way of his.

"Strong will aside, you'll still cause him unnecessary stress."

"Yes, but-"

"The answer is no, Ayame." The silence stretched for two long seconds. Finally, Ayame's pouting face lit up into his default grin.

"Tori-san?"

Hatori sighed, and responded against his better judgment with "Yes?"

"Since we can't kidnap Ritsu can we kidnap Haru?"

"No."

"Can we kidnap Kyo?" Shigure asked playfully.

"No."

"Oh!" They cried in unison, "Can we play with your-"

"NO!"

A few seconds passed and Shigure broke the silence.

"Hatori?" The doctor ignored him. "Hatori?" Still silence. "Haaattttoooooorrrrriiiiiiii!" Shigure whined.

"What?" Hatori snapped.

"I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored!"

**_-End-_**

That was probably more fun to write than it will be to read, but I've been wrong before. I hope this short little fic made your mood just a bit lighter.


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